In life we are faced with so many trials. For our family, health trials seem to keep surfacing- either replacing a prior one or adding on to the pile. I say that purely as a fact and not to draw attention to the challenges. When I first thought about starting a blog, I had so many ideas swirling around in my head and none of them were about Lyme, my health, or my faith. Neurologically, I couldn’t connect my thoughts and couldn’t find a way to work through the barriers in my brain to find the words to write about any of the topics I had been contemplating. Keep in mind that writing about my life with Lyme wasn’t on the radar, because I didn’t know I had Lyme!
I finally got the courage to start writing at a time that felt like a roller coaster full of emotional challenges. I thought it would be a good outlet for me. I thought I would have a little fun sharing some of our memories and traditions – acting as a distraction to my diminishing health. I thought I would use it to help me escape from the hell I have been living.
A huge part of my job involved writing and communicating, so it should have been second nature. I had spent my days at work coaching others on their writing and speaking skills as we perfected our sales plans and strategies. Yet, here I was/am with such brain fog that I can barely write an email. This was what I loved to do, but I was having such a hard time doing it. I couldn’t concentrate long enough to watch a TV show or read a book. My ability to hold an intellectual conversation had become increasingly more difficult – it was so frustrating that something that I used to do so easily had become such a challenge. Friends started to notice it more and more. I would get in the car and forget where I was going and/or how to get there. I have lived with headaches for years and they were becoming more frequent and more debilitating. I was spending more and more nights waking up drenched in sweat and shivering… I would spend hours in and out of the shower, laying on the cold tile of our bathroom floor, waking my husband with my sobbing pain and need for help to change our now-soaked bedding. Some days I spent lying in my bed staring at the ceiling in pain. Most nights I spent awake due to the never-ending insomnia and racing heart. While I felt ready to start writing a blog, my body said otherwise. Writing for fun was not in the cards! It still isn’t, but my perspective changed once I received my diagnosis and started treatment. Now, I’m writing with a mission – and with the help of my husband – to share the story of our crazy, beautiful life.